I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
