your thong is hanging out like whoa
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
