I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
