god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
