You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
