He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
