is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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