She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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