I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
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Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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