I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
