oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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