We're facebook friends in real life
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Someone signed my nipple.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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