take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
