I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
