he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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