Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
