im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
