I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
