I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
