i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
