I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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