i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There's always time for handjobs
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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