She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
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Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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