if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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