I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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