i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
