I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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