It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
