On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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