Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize