apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
