I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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