oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
