I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he thought i was a dude.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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