Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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