My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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