I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Cover your peen. We're going out.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
