you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
