she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
