My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
