So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
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he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
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My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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