His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
