If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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