I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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