I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
