i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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