She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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