How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
