I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
