White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
