Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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