she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
