Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
