But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the day after is always just damage control
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
