don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
