somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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