my sisters under your porch take her home
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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