I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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