There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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